I'm so fucking centered right now
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
