Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
