I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
