he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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