He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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