"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
