In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
