ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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