I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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