so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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