i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
