make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
