so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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