I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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