i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
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Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
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How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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