my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
