please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
