kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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