So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
