Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
