he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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