You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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