Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
