yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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