I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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