you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
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I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.