Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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