What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
