i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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