My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
