before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
