We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
