mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
