happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
