just tell him i said nine months
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
