She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
