Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude i'm inner monologue high
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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