yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
