Are we in a gay sports bar?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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