Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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