Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
