Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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