Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
