my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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