Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just blew my weed a kiss
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
