im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
