its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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