I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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