he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
