Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
