Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
