It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
