why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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