I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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