I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
