he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
