i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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