His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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