i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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