I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
