Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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